The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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