Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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