would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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