On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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