big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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