ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
