Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
