Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
