i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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