Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
