I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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