There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
