i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
