In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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