a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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