I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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