I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Buhtt sex?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
