everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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