I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street