Texts From Last Night

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

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  (952): well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning. http://tfl.nu/jye2
  Replies (14) Good night (5562) Bad night (1355)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (13042) Bad night (1296)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club

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  (732): It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club http://tfl.nu/j8mx
  Replies (14) Good night (5928) Bad night (1001)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.

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  (850): I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end. http://tfl.nu/6dki
  Replies (5) Good night (2676) Bad night (926)
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  (310): View more from California

  she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.

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  (310): she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again. http://tfl.nu/4ycr
  Replies (10) Good night (2970) Bad night (1116)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

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  (405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal
  Replies (6) Good night (4008) Bad night (1046)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where the hell would u of bought a deer

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  (717): found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it (1-717): where the hell would u of bought a deer http://tfl.nu/semf
  Replies (9) Good night (2875) Bad night (802)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out

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  (603): gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out http://tfl.nu/5cup
  Replies (6) Good night (969) Bad night (457)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"

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  (608): I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!" http://tfl.nu/mxo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1165) Bad night (474)
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.

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  (619): I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible. http://tfl.nu/efx0
  Replies (5) Good night (1322) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Is this an intervention?

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  (770): You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina" (678): Is this an intervention? http://tfl.nu/de9f
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (398)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.

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  (215): tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours. http://tfl.nu/k3ze
  Replies (9) Good night (1116) Bad night (332)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success

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  (203): I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success http://tfl.nu/5jtv
  Replies (0) Good night (679) Bad night (346)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day

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  (617): I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day http://tfl.nu/dw3u
  Replies (0) Good night (707) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.

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  (212): Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate. http://tfl.nu/w2uc
  Replies (1) Good night (188) Bad night (485)

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