like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
