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do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
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