do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire