Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...