Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea