This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Randomize
