Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
