That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
