When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize