I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
