i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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