shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
