dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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