Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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