I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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