Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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