I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
