Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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