I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
