The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ketchup is God's man juice
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Enjoy the penises
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
