exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
