if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
