I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
