Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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