I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
