The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
