Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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