just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
