I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
