WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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