Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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