i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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