theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
