he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
