dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
