Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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