I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
