Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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