Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
