so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
