Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I enjoy the company of your penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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