so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
