first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
