I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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