Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
