Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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