you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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