im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
