Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
