Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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