i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
smell my finger.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
