I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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