What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
