ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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