you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
