I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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