I am puke
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
should my penis look like a turkey
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who died my cat blue again?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
