Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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