I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
