i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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