This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
