I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
